The drunk carpenter strikes again

Ok, so I’m not drunk (although that apple pie I made is pretty good, and I have a healthy snort setting my veins alight), but I am taking some shortcuts and doing a half-butt job. Do you remember the apple pie, from many months back? 6 months of cure time made it pretty potent – if you lay down a healthy batch now, your Christmas takes care of itself.

I went to the woodpile; scraps and pallet pieces. Perfect for what I have in mind.

Part of the laziness comes from intent. It’s a rough old map of the public utilities of Maine, from many years ago. I wanted to give it an unfinished look, like it had been framed with spare wood and hung on the wall of a workshop somewhere.

I think it had been thrown in a trunk, dunked in a river, drug behind a lumber truck, kicked down a flight of stairs, and then used as bedding for an incontinent pet crow.

This is where I grew up – the B&A railroad, a literal stone’s throw from the station house.

Mike Oscar spent his teenage years in this area, as did I, crashing on his couch. His dad always had a joke – there were 2 couches in the living room, kitty cornered. When Snuffy went to bed, Mike’s girlfriend was cuddled up beside him on one couch. When he’d wake up for work in the morning, she had gone home, and I’d have come off the late shift at the mill and be crashed out on the other couch. He would say, “I go to bed and you’ve got a beautiful women on the couch, I wake up and that homely thing is here! You’re trading down!”

Another one of my favorite (suitable for a family website) sayings of his – when I was too tired, he’d say my eyes looked like ‘two pissholes in the snow’. Very descriptive man, our Snuffy.

Next door are Masardis and Ashland, our hometowns.

I stripped out some pallet wood using my eyeball as a measuring tape. It’s less gory than it sounds. I laid them in place to ensure they were pretty much square.

Yep. Friggin run ‘er, bub.

I used the torch to bring out the grain, to make it look even more like scrap wood, and because Mike and I have endured our share of singed bits during our sojourn in that map.

Since it was somewhat squareish, I put some wood glue on the joints. And because I was lazy, I used the air brad gun and sunk some 2 inch brads in to hold it until the glue set. 2 inch overkill? It was what was left in the gun after my trim job at my mother-in-laws.

Here is the rough frame-in. Yup, it fits. I put three nice torch lines in one corner, for the number of times that Mike Oscar has fought a fire with me, or put one out that was on me.

I found a sheet of paneling that I was gonna use somewhere else, and just cut it up; when I remember what it was supposed to go on, I’ll go buy another one. But I’ve had too much apple pie to head out for a piece now.

I swapped out the 2 inch brads I had before and put in some 3/4 inchers, just enough to tack the back on. I put two in the lower left corner, so I could slide the map in, center it, and then I finished putting them in all the way around, to anchor the map in place without going through the map itself (which may have actually made it look better, but oh well).

There she sits! I hung it on the wall of my workshop – notice, it isn’t a man cave. It is a study/workshop, because I’m more interested in getting things learned and accomplished, then hunkering down and hiding from everyone. My son and daughter will learn and build, not hide from the world.

I made the hanger on the back by partially sinking two small nails, then wrapping some safety wire in a loose loop around them.

Here it sits, looking like it was pulled off the wall of a railroad station or the wall of a workshop in the GE manufacturing shop. I’m pretty impressed, but that could be the Crown Royal Black talking. As you can see, not only am I a fan, but I have another fan in the picture there, making it a total of 2 fans admiring the picture. One of the joints isn’t quite perfect, the wood is a little twisted (they don’t make pallets like they used to), but over all, I’m pretty impressed with my efforts.

I have another picture to frame, and I think I might do the same thing. I forget what it is, but I recall it being an older map of that area, that my wife bought me for a gift at some point. Speaking of gifts, it’s my birthday in a few days, so I think I’m getting myself a second hand Old Town canoe off a buddy. I’ll let you know how that goes. Have a great day, all!


6 thoughts on “The drunk carpenter strikes again

  1. Looks really awesome and a great talking point. Prob is that I have a old map of were I grew up. Been putting off framing it for ages. Now I have no excuse. Why did you have to make it look so easy. Hmmm maybe make a tea and check something very important in the yard. Then I will get to it. Great post. Dan


    1. bnastowaway

      Haha, sorry for removing excuses! To be fair, I’ve had this map for a year, so I hadn’t been in a hurry either. I think it was the idea to incorporate fire into it that got me going on it. That, and avoiding Macroeconomics homework.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I see a career in the making…. they get big money for stuff like that at the boutiques on Exchange st in Portland. Like couple dead Benjamins at a time big. And their maps are not even the real thing, just a bunch off cheesy reprints.


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